Craig Herberg 's Dumb Jokes



 

Here are some more of my dumb jokes.

How many episcopalians does it take to replace a lightbulb? Three: one to climb the ladder, and two to pray the ladder doesn't fall!

My dad was really dumb when I was a teenager, but he was pretty smart when I was 20. If only he had started studying seven years earlier, I wouldn't have had to suffer through my teens with such a dumb dad!

I just read that a woman in the United States gives birth over seven times a minute. She must be exhausted!

Every time we leave our bathroom door open, our Dalmatian empties the wastebasket all over our bedroom floor. I used to think that he did that because he is a rambunctious rascal. Then I read his blog, where he mentioned that he does this as a way of reminding us to keep the bathroom door closed. It turns out that he has several additional reminder services, including reminders NOT TO: 1. Leave shoes laying around 2. Leave food on the table or anywhere else within reach 3. Leave anything chewable within reach. Smart dog! Who knew?

Recently, when I went to the gym to pick up my son, I inadvertently got on the stair-stepper, and it immediately started going about 90 miles an hour. Frantically, I searched for the elevator button, and when I couldn't find it, started yelling, "Where the heck is the elevator button on this thing?" When someone nearby told me there was no elevator, I jumped off and avoided serious bodily injury. No elevator on something that has over 100 floors? What's that all about?

I tell my teenage son that I'm not concerned exactly how good his grades are or exactly how fast his time in the 40 yard dash is. "When your GPA and time in the 40 are the same, I'll take you for ice cream!" [Editor's note: Chances are pretty good that if he gets his ice cream, he'll be accepted to college somewhere.]

If people are as smart as they think they are, Einstein is just an average dork with some theories.

If I'm as dumb as some people think I am, I couldn't beat a frog in a spelling bee. [Editor's note: Ribit is not that easy to spell.]

My memory is absolutely perfect. In fact, I can't remember the last time I forgot something.

People say I have a receding hairline, but they're wrong. I just have a loooong face.

Teenage girls around the world are glad I'm not their father. Like I would embarass them or something. TSNF (That's So Not Fair).

The first time I went past my son's high school, I thought all the kids had an extra body part connecting their hand and ear. Come to find out that's called a cell phone.

My Dumb Jokes home

 

" You saved my marriage. Before seeing your web site, my wife thought my jokes were the dumbest jokes in the world. Thank you so much. Your jokes are the worst."

Joseph Schmoe

" Thank you for helping me appreciate my husband's sick, pathetic, and annoying sense of humor. "

Josephine Schmoe

" Thanks for showing me that I'm not the only one suffering from bad joke syndrome. Now I know I'm not alone. You rock! "

Ken T. Getnorespect, New Jersey

" Craig Herberg's jokes are so funny, he should be on stage -- there's a coach leaving in about 10 minutes. "

Harold D. Harhar, Seattle, WA.

" All these years my daughters thought my jokes were the dumbest in the world. Thank you for setting them straight. "

G. Girlzarfun, Bombay, India

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