My Dalmatian is so dumb he won't even come downstairs to get a treat. He waits until I bring it up to him!

How many bricks did it take to finish the White House? One -- the last one!

When you are an employee, you might think you work for an idiot, but when you are self employed, you know you work for a fool!

Old people always wax poetic about the "good old days." What makes them so good? Well, for starters, we still had our original body parts and didn't take fourteen different kinds of medication!

What were Jerry Garcia's last words? "Thank you," because he was Grateful Dead. Real super-duper Deadheads would take at least a week to figure it out!

Yogi Berra is not the best catcher of all time. There are plenty of better catchers than Yogi Berra -- they just haven't been born yet!

Stupidity is only a state of mind. It's the only state that makes Alaska look like a postage stamp!

Why do athletes always take it, "One game at a time," when half of them end up losing their very next game? Shouldn't they do the math and take it, "Two games at a time?"

What's all this fuss about Tim Tivo? Is he the guy that invented the VCR?

I just bought one of those magical Apple iPads, and can't for the life of me figure out which key I push to order a hamburger!

If you really want a small government, why don't you just elect small people? From now on, don't vote for anyone over five feet tall. Problem solved!

Q: If you are stuck in the middle of the ocean and one wheel falls off...how many waffles will it take to shingle a roof?
A: Three. One to lay the shingles, one to watch the working waffle, and one to exchange texts with his girlfriend.

More of My Dumb Jokes